Monday, February 2, 2009

A Shout Out to All My Kitties In the Bed!

This one goes out to all my bed-buddies,
Yo.

Now that 'that' is out of the way, let's carry on to something far more pressing!  I commend all of you out there in Cat-topia who are strong enough of will to throw off the shackles which your humans try to impose upon you!  I am of course referring to those so-called "cat beds" which they try to force you to use!

I myself try to never even touch the cat bed that my people gave to me. A cat bed.  I prefer the people bed. I say if it is good enough for them, it is not good enough for us, but the best they have to provide, so we must take it.

When my people are using the big soft thing, I find that I am faced with an interesting dilemma. Clearly, I must have the best possible place, but where is it?

On this matter, I am of two minds:
1. Sometimes I like to distance myself from the humans, particularly the male, who flails in his sleep. The female is much more docile, but she snores. As such, I curl up on the foot of the bed, often spreading out and taking up about a quarter of the bed, which my people think to be a disproportionate amount of bed for my body mass. This is, of course, a human miscalculation. I actually require the whole soft thingy, but have not yet succeeded in kicking the peoples out.

2. I do enjoy human body heat. Sometimes I sleep upon the female if she is not creating too much noise. I find this soothing. I like the shoulder/head area.  Sometimes she complains when I sleep on her face because she "can't breathe." I think this is ok, because if she can't breathe she can't snore. This is a benefit for all. She just does not realize it. This is because humans are less smart than us cats.

 In order to conduct my research on cat/human relations I am asking the following question: When you are using the big soft thing and the humans are trying to use it too, how do you prefer to sleep? How does this make you the superior being?

5 comments:

Daisy said...

I have many cat beds, but I do not use any of them (except my new Hepper Pod). I always sleep in the people bed and sometimes I try to sleep on top of my Mommie's head. She thinks I am trying to strangle her.

Princess Ruby said...

i likes to sleep RIGHT exactly in the middle of the soft thing. this guarantees that the Mom has to be right on the edge of the bed, which means i can kick her off at any time. heheh

Jerusalem Jones said...

Daisy,
I am incredibly proud of your dedication to the cause! Carry on with your mission, we must never let up, even when they are gasping for breath! That is merely a sign that you are doing it right.

"Princess" Ruby,
Your tactics are innovative. I would like to put you in charge of training new Meow March Recruits!
Question, what is your princess-ipality? If I were to make you a noble in my new regime, would I have the support of your cats/people?

Your Leader, Mentor, and All Around Cool Cat,
Jerusalem Jones, K.I.N.G.

Kaltsas Kats said...

First we want to welcome you. We both have our own beds. Nemo will sometimes sleep in his bed but will go weeks and months without touching it. At night he likes to sleep at the end of the bed wit his eye on the door. I, Patches, have a sassy sofa that is on a shelf. I use it to recharge my sass during the day. At night I sleep cuddled up next to my mom. To do this I nudge her with my cold nose and whiskers until she lifts the blanket and then I get situated and use her pillow just like a person. We get yelled at too because we take up half a king size bed.
-Patches and Nemo

Jerusalem Jones said...

Patches and Nemo,
I commend you on your group effort to accumulate possession of the human bed! I greatly approve of your use of the cold-nose tactic to force your will upon the female of the human species. My male human is quite susceptible to head nudges. He finds them "adorable," and I use them sparingly. The indignities I sometimes endure.

Yours in leadership,
Jerusalem Jones, R.E.S.P.E.C.T.