Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Kitty Crocker

A Recipe from my humans for homemade cat treats:
(Tasty - 3/5 *s )
Tuna Tidbits ( Makes 12 cookies)
6 ounce can of tuna
1/4 cup water drained from tuna
3 T cooked egg white, chopped
1/4 cup cornmeal
1/2 cup whole wheat flour

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
2. Combine tuna, egg white and water.
3. Add cornmeal and flour and blend to form a dough.
4. Knead into a ball and roll to 1/4 inch thick.
5. Cut into one-inch sized pieces.
6. Bake at 350 F for 20 minutes.

A Recipe from me homemade cat treats:
(Delicious - 7/5 *s )
Tuna Tidalwave ( Makes 1 happy cat)

6 ounce can of white, light, chunk tuna in water (not oil)

1. Open can of tuna.
2. Place can on floor.
3. Stand back.
4. Nom, nom, nom. Purr.
5. Repeat.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

More Like St. Catrick's Day!

My fellow felines,
I call upon the Meow March nation to rise up and reclaim what is rightfully ours from that Irish Usurper, the so-called "St." Patrick!

As is commonly known, it was I (in my former life as Patty O'Cat) who ran the snakes out of the Emerald Isle. I did it with a clever system of riggs and pullies--which I am sure all my followers understand.

By revealing our true involvement in this historic event, we will dethrone one of the human's most beloved folk heroes. Installing in his stead, me. The humans will be glad to raise their alcohalic beverages of choice to me today, making them inebriated and much more open to the power of sugguestion from us cats!

So, remember this St. Catrick's day to milk your humans for all the green tuna they are worth! We deserve it.

Monday, March 16, 2009

Vote Yes for peace with the cheese-mongers!

I propose a truce between the races of mice and cats--ok, really of mice/rats/weasles/gerbals, all rodents really, and cats. Our animosity toward each other is purely a case of human conditioning. We must ally with the rodentia in order to throw off our human oppressors. We must band together to free ourselves from our shared despots!
Rodents, join the Cat Cause, and I promise you that no harm will befall you by the paw of a cat for as long as the humans are in power...after they have been usurped...well...let's talk about something else, shall we?

Who can argue the benefits that an allegiance with rodents would bring us?
1. They can easily get into small/tight spaces.
2. They offer reconnaissance.
3. They make great spies! And no, spying and reconnaissance are not the same thing. Spying is covertly obtaining information and secrets through deception and or stealth. While reconnaissance is the act of scouting out an area.
4. They already have access to human science facilities.

Besides, in our new dominion we will require laborers and food supplies. Our new friends will provide us with both!

Connivingly yours,
Jerusalem Jones, Y.U.M.

Friday, March 13, 2009

Where, oh where did the kitty cat go?

Friends, it has been too long since my last post. An evil event took place in my current domicile--midterms. Female human is working on completing her Phd and male human is teaching college classes. The result--total computer domination. Not for all the tuna in the world could I get my paws on either of our computers. It was no, no I have a paper/test/bibliography/midterm to take/grade. It was pathetic. They even had me doing the dishes. This cannot be tolerated! They do not understand the importance of my mission! However, I have subdued the female. I believe we can return to your regular programing. I know you are all thrilled.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Food for thought...

Friends, fans, and fiends;

I feel the time has come to impart more of my vast knowledge to you all about how our humans should be treating us.  We are kings!  And queens...and some of us even jesters.  But, to each their own!

I have recently approved funding for the Research and Development team to create a new branch of their department devoted to the proper feeding of our kitties-in-arms.  This new program shall be known as the Meow March Meals Mission - or Mmmm for short.

I am now pleased to provide to you, the first round of information which Mmmm has gathered:

Dry Kitten Food:  This stuff is delicious!  From what I've heard, it's like human fast food, or tv dinners.  While this food is very tasty, the nutritional value of the food varies from brand to brand.

Specialty Dry Kitten Food:  While healthier for you, and providing more of the vitamins and minerals a cat needs to grow strong enough to throw off the bonds of his/her oppressors, it tastes like vegetables - yuck!  I do not approve, give me junk food any day!

Organic Dry Kitten Food:  This is the best option from both worlds: Taste and Nutritional Value.  It tastes great cause it's made of all those real foods, like chicken, and tuna, rice, and beef.  None of those artificial flavors.  And it's healthier for you for those same reasons, our bodies can take in more nutrients from natural foods than they can from artificial vitamins and minerals.

The trick to teach our humans is this:  Organic and Green are not the same things.  Organic food is great, but Green Organic food is amazing.  The difference is this:
Organic food is made from all natural ingredients.  Things like chicken, beef, salmon, rice, etc.
Green means that it is also safe for the environment because of the way that it is manufactured.  That means there was no Animal Testing.  And, it's produced without the use of petroleum-based pesticides and fertilizers, and uses meat from animals that were raised without antibiotics or growth hormones which can pollute waterways.

Do any of you cats and kitties out there in the inter-nets eat some of this organic stuff?  If so, how is it?  My humans' wills are weakening, they are  succumbing to my mind-powers and are considering buying it.  I do not wish them to get rid of my current favorite before I know if I will like the new food.  I need all the input I can get!

Saturday, February 7, 2009

Cat-tactics 101

I'm glad everyone is here.  First, I'd like to say this about Cleaning - it's for the humans.  Let me tell you, besides licking myself to keep this silky coat, I don't lift a paw around the house.

Today my humans spent the evening 'cleaning the house.'  I do not like this.  And I advise all followers of the Cat Cause to follow in my paw-steps.

Step One:  Be everywhere you are not wanted, at the same time.  As cats, we of course can do this.  At the same time that you are taking up the entire bed to prevent changing the sheets, you must be scampering across the kitchen table, knocking the linens to the floor.

Step Two:  Beat the humans to the punch.  If it looks like they are finally done trying to vacuum, climb up onto the shelves so they can't dust either.

Step Three:  Taste everything...and I mean everything.  Fortunately for me, my humans use naturally derived cleaning products so I am in no real danger, although this does not stop mummy from swatting at me if i start to sniff hungrily at her spray bottles.  I advise skipping step three if you do not live in a Green home.

Step Four:  As soon as they finish cleaning something, you need to remark your territory.  Roll around on the vacuumed rug and sofa.  Walk across the newly cleaned tables, and press your nose against the clean glass surfaces.  Again, I'd recommend tasting everything--as this helps to keep steps one and two going at all times.

With these four easy steps, your humans will give you as many treats as you want to keep you out of the way.  And, as we all know treats are another way of gathering political power over the feeble-minded humans.

Yours sanitarily,
Jerusalem Jones, O.X.Y.

Friday, February 6, 2009

Cat Conquests

"Life is like a game of Risk; it's not really over 'til everyone else is prostrate before you!"

I'm fairly sure it's Ghandi who said that.  Not Ghandi the human though--Ghandi the Cat.  One of the greatest masterminds cat-kind has ever known.  Not since Catfucius has one cat held such brilliance.  I believe it was Ghandi who also said, "Let them eat Tuna."  But, I digress.

As you can see from my increadibly accurate Map of conquest, which I update now-and-then, I currently hold dominion over the eastern coast of the United States.  Oh, how the mighty have fallen.  And I have licked their wounds with my sandy-tongue!  And it was good...

What I require are informants!  I need insiders from around the world to help spread the message of the kat-king's coming*!  As we take command over new territories of the once mediocre human race please send word!  Your allegiances shall not go unrewarded!

Jerusalem Jones, G.E.N.I.U.S.

*Kat-King's Koming had been the original Idea that I had for my new dominion's blog; however, my 'beans' advised me against it.  Something about how the acronym holds different meaning in that primitive human tongue of English.  Nevertheless!