Monday, February 2, 2009
Did you know?
I believe that an educated populace makes for better revolutionaries. To that end, I will endeavor to educate you as to exactly why we felines are far superior to our bipedal oppressors.
Let us start from the beginning. When humans and cats were created, it is clear that the Great Bestower of Tuna spent much more time and effort creating cats. Let us look at our physical construction. While our sleek forms are beautiful to look at, they are also quite efficiently constructed. Our skeleton is somewhat similar to a mere human; however, our skeletons do not have the design flaw that humans have: a shoulder blade. Without this useless mass of ossified calcium, we have superior freedom of movement of the foreleg, which can be turned in almost any direction. Additionally, us cats also have around 290 bones and 517 separate muscles.
Can you not see how much better than the humans we are? The humans have a mere 206 bones in there flabby frames. Ha! And that is with the foolish addition of a shoulder blade.
Furthermore, with our powerful leg muscles, especially in our hind legs, we are very fast. Much faster than the fastest human. Cats can reach running speeds of up to twenty-five miles an hour. Add some adrenaline to that, and a frightened cat can run up to 30 mph -- while the fastest human can only run up to 27.89 mph.
Yes, my feline friend, we are amazing animals. Bask in kitty pride. When you bathe yourself the next time, note how perfect your body is. I think it is the Tuna. It does a body good!