Monday, February 2, 2009

Did you know?

I believe that an educated populace makes for better revolutionaries. To that end, I will endeavor to educate you as to exactly why we felines are far superior to our bipedal oppressors. 

Let us start from the beginning. When humans and cats were created, it is clear that the Great Bestower of Tuna spent much more time and effort creating cats. Let us look at our physical construction.  While our sleek forms are beautiful to look at, they are also quite efficiently constructed. Our skeleton is somewhat similar to a mere human; however, our skeletons do not have the design flaw that humans have: a shoulder blade. Without this useless mass of ossified calcium, we have superior freedom of movement of the foreleg, which can be turned in almost any direction. Additionally, us cats also have around 290 bones and 517 separate muscles.

Can you not see how much better than the humans we are? The humans have a mere 206 bones in there flabby frames. Ha! And that is with the foolish addition of a shoulder blade.

Furthermore, with our powerful leg muscles, especially in our hind legs, we are very fast. Much faster than the fastest human.  Cats can reach running speeds of up to twenty-five miles an hour. Add some adrenaline to that, and a frightened cat can run up to 30 mph -- while the fastest human can only run up to 27.89 mph.

Yes, my feline friend, we are amazing animals. Bask in kitty pride. When you bathe yourself the next time, note how perfect your body is. I think it is the Tuna. It does a body good!


Zippy, Sadie and Speedy said...

Alas, it is the opposable thumb and their ability to open cans of Fancy Feast that makes them worth keeping. That and their warm laps...and the ear and chin skritches, okay, they can stay. But they have to do what we say!

Tuxedo Gang said...

Hi Jerusalem Jones!! I will introduce you to the Tuxedo Gang on Wednesday!! Welcome!!
Samantha & The Tuxedo Gang

Jerusalem Jones said...

Zippy, Sadie and Speedy,
I agree that the humans do have their purposes. They shall be allowed to stay as servants, but nothing more. And only so long as they obey our kitty-commands.

Tuxedo Gang,
I greatly appreciate your willingness to accept the inevitable jointure of our two unstoppable forces! Mew!

Forever ferocious,
Jerusalem Jones, M.B.A.B.M.

DaisyMae Maus said...

My favorite of Mom's stickers on the black masheen:

Felines humor us because they remember that their ancestors ATE ours ...

¡Viva la revoluciĆ³n!


Jerusalem Jones said...

I approve of your "Mom's" sticker. I believe it will become one of the many battle cries of our unstoppable cause!
On second thought...It may require some will be difficult to maintain a tactical advantage while trying to scream an eighteen syllable battle cry. I think I may need to stick with "Meow!"

I remain stealthy,
Jerusalem Jones, C.A.T.