Saturday, January 31, 2009
My fellow felines, and supporting animals (including sympathetic humans),
Many of you would like to see a Cat in power. I urge you to either join my army or, at least join the feline political party and vote "Meow!" The responsibilities of a cat soldier are not like people soldiers. We do not use guns or other bang-bangs. No. Those are for humans. We use much more sophisticated tactics. Tactics that you probably already employ. For instance, sleep depravation is one of my favorite tactics. Try this, if you haven't already. At four in the morning, go into your people's room. Knock things over. Loudly. Then, run and jump over the bed. Miss. Land on your people. Run. Rinse, and repeat. Very easy. Very effective. Go, on, try it. You know you want to...
I have been a cat since the beginning of time. In fact, Adam was my favorite pet. Despite this, the Egyptian golden era was really the only one that was worth living. Those Egyptians really understood cats. I also knew King Arthur; I caused the fall of Rome; I witnessed the Bubonic plague; I came over on the Mayflower; I saw the Russian revolution; I was at the beaches of Normandy; and I am alive now. Since nothing monumental is happening, it must be that this is my time. After witnessing countless years of human depravity, I have concluded that you people are not fit to rule yourselves. I have decided that the time for Cat Rule is now. Viva Le Revolution! Join the Meow March!